Many years ago a did a past life regression in which I experienced a life filled with isolation, loneliness and trauma. Now, I’m not sure that I even believed this experience to be true, but it echoed experiences I faced and continue to face in my current life.

I decided (based I think on the work of someone else that I had read) to rewrite the story and end of that life in an effort to heal the trauma. And through meditation and visualization I proceeded to do exactly that. Even though I am a no-bullishit person who cannot lie to myself, re-envisioning that story somehow was able to permanently heal something inside of me.

I’ve been reliving some past issues recently through repeated trauma (read family) and it occurred to me that maybe I could try the same technique. Rewrite the past to change my experience of the present. So far it isn’t working so I’m trying to come up with some other coping mechanisms. Everything is too close right now and I need distance if this is going to work. I wish it were that easy but I’m doubtful that I can learn to associate anything but pain and abandonment with my family in the near future.

I read some cards tonight and they could not have been clearer when referring to the issues I was asking about. The advice was to find my family in the people who truly love and support me already in my life. I already have a chosen family, and I should focus on them rather than what my biological family cannot or will not give me. And also that I should get out of my own damn way where financial success is concerned. Relevant and duly noted. I need to start reading cards again. They have always brought me such tremendous solace. I can feel the witchy energies rising in me as I write about it. They speak to me. I think it’s time to listen.