I was just reading this post about how guys often cross women’s boundaries, like insisting they get a hug or a kiss from someone they barely know. And how so many women are terrified of saying no and appearing rude.

When I was younger I used to find myself in uncomfortable situations like that. And I’d always try my best to make everyone comfortable, even if it was at my expense. I didn’t want to be rude. God forbid.

And then one day I realised that if somebody had to be uncomfortable it was better them than me, especially if they were invading my boundaries.

And I started speaking up and saying exactly how I felt. I stopped being afraid to tell people to move when they were in my space, to leave me alone when I didn’t want to talk to them, and to push them away when they insisted on touching me. I am a naturally polite person but I have no issue being rude to someone if they’re crossing a line.

At first I was afraid that people wouldn’t like me. But what happened was that people seemed more drawn to me. They treated me with more respect. And I stopped feeling so afraid all the time, stopped feeling so apologetic about how I felt when people made me uncomfortable, and instead turned the tables on those who crossed the boundaries of my and my girlfriends and made them feel uncomfortable instead.

It may be something we acquire with age. All of the older women I know will not hesitate to rip a man a new asshole when he is out of line. Maybe we just get to a point where we have had enough of that shit. But we need to give ourselves permission to be mean, to be nasty, to be rude, to be unlikeable. It’s not just for us, it’s for the women around us who haven’t yet found their voice. When someone is crossing your boundaries it’s ok to tell them to fuck off. And you should feel good about it. Because God knows they’re not thinking of your feelings when they did whatever elicited that response.