It was 35 degrees C today. That’s 95 degrees F. I’m could barely touch my car to drive it. Drove into town and the hills were on fire. I fucking hate the dry season.
Now that we’re in our 40s the questions are stopping, but I feel fine explaining to people that kids just aren’t for us. Most people are fine, but some responses are just shocking to me. We’ve been called selfish and told our marriage isn’t really real if we don’t have kids. Uh…OK?
The selfish one seems to be the first thing that people spit out. I always ask them why it’s selfish for me to want what I want when they’re not considered selfish for wanting what they want (which is kids). They kind of get stumped there.
I’ve also been told something along the lines of it “cementing” the marriage or whatever. I had someone tell me once that I’m not a real woman until I have kids (they kindly exempted women who couldn’t have). It’s amazing how incredibly rude people can be when this topic comes up.
The only time this line of interrogation has really gotten to me is when a childless person did it. That broke me a little. I change my mind on this question a lot 😦
I imagine that could be very difficult. I’ve never had someone who was childless talk to me about it. I have had parents who told me that had they known what it would be like they wouldn’t have done it. I have also had many people who were incredibly encouraging on my choice. *sigh* It’s so loaded.
It doesn’t happen that often anymore but it did a lot when Chris and I first got together. For most people it’s the casual assumption that we will be having kids and they would jokingly say something about getting started on that. That doesn’t bother me. I think it’s natural for people to assume you’re going to have kids when you get married at a certain age.
It’s when I say I’m not interested in having kids. People’s reactions range from flat out denial (you can’t mean that) to telling me I don’t know my self well enough (you will change your mind) to telling me I’m selfish or self absorbed for not wanting children, to disbelief because god knows their kids are the most precious creatures on the planet and parenthood has given them so much joy that I must share in this happiness. I have had someone state that I must have some sort of trauma around having children to not want them. That’s presumptuous and so fucking off base I can’t even tell you. I’ve been told I’m not normal. I’ve been told it’s what God wants. Or that it would be a gift to my husband (who has his own children and quite frankly does NOT want any more).
For me not wanting to have children is a very multifaceted choice and there are many personal reasons that I don’t care to share with people. It’s also not something that was set in stone, but something I have come back to many times and carefully considered. And despite the fact that on some levels the idea appeals to me sometimes, the truth is that the main reasons still stand and the case against it is stronger than for it. Ultimately however, it’s just very fucking personal and discussing my business like that feels incredibly intrusive. It’s rare that someone will just shrug and say something along the lines of, “Kids aren’t for everybody.” I usually end up being put on the defensive over something that’s nobody’s fucking business.
I am happy to discuss it with anyone as long as they aren’t judging me. I will talk about it all day long. But I am not a person who takes kindly to people placing their values at my doorstep and expecting me to pick them up and take them inside. I understand to many people it’s something they can’t conceive of, but quite frankly I cannot imagine why anybody would want to be a parent. But I can’t really say that out loud can I? We treat parenthood as though it is something so sacred that the mere thought of opting out makes people want to gather wood for the stake.
Thinking I will make some more of these with different stones. Lapis would look lovely. But I am loving the gold on black in this pretty #chevron #ring. #artisanjewelry #handmade #trinidad #onyx
For the leftie in your life…… Because of the way I have cut the handle from the body of this stoneware mug, it is particularly comfortable to be held in the left hand.
– The resentment that begins to build up and damage your relationship with your parents because your missing out on being a kid.
– The self destructive tendencies that develop when you get your freedom.
– Extreme Behaviour that can be dangerous because you feel as if you have to catch up on all the life you have been missing.
– A constant sadness that your never going to live life enough.
– Developing anxiety over doing things as simple as riding the bus.
– Massive issues with authority.
– Fear of commitment because you feel as though it is going to tie you down and take away from your freedom again.
etc…
And not a lie was spoken
SOMEONE FINALLY EXPLAINED IT
SOMEONE FINALLY EXPLAINED IT IN A SIMPLE WAY
WHA WHHAAAT
Also you learn how to lie way too easily You don’t trust people or public spaces because anyone could be a predator You can’t talk to your parents about anything because they take honest topics and turn it into a discussion about what you shouldn’t be doing with your life You can’t do basic tasks or take initiative because you’re so used to someone telling you how and where to do everything that any and everything fills you with anxiety and stress
I always prided myself in fucking up my kids in unique ways. I tell my kids we will be friends when they’re thirty. But of course that means doing things they will appreciate when they’re older. It is a rough row to hoe.
*****Fear of commitment because you feel as though it is going to tie you down and take away from your freedom again.*****
It took me a really long time to acknowledge that I have major issues forming long term relationships. And it’s because of this shit.
The corollary to “You can’t do basic tasks or take initiative because you’re so used to someone telling you how and where to do everything that any and everything fills you with anxiety and stress” is this:
Becoming an “adult” and realizing you have to earthly idea who you are or what you want because you spent your entire life being told who to be and what to do by powerful authority figures and not only did you never learned how to listen to yourself but you were taught to feel guilty whenever you do what you want to do instead of what you were supposed to do.
so, I just learnt some new things about myself today.
I can’t believe people still bug me about having kids. I mean, I’m 43 now at what point is this gonna stop? It doesn’t happen often so I’m just trying to think of something to say that’ll throw people off kilter a bit while still being humorous. Suggestions welcome.
For a moment this weekend I was considering putting my number somewhere on my business like maybe my business card or something. Cause not everybody uses email or Facebook right?
And then at 11:46pm on Sunday night when I am in bed, someone starts messaging me on Facebook about a pair of earrings they wanted made and I knew that was the universe asking me if I was crazy to even think of putting my phone number out there.
This is so cute! The Gay community really needs this because their meet-me apps and social environments are often sex-centered and 18-21+ and there’s no escape sometimes.
I am getting this!
I was all excited about this until I remembered that have actual girlfriends that I already know and I can’t ever see to make time to meet them anyway.
Chris restored my iPad for me. It wasn’t working with me. Jealous little bitch, get over it you’re sharing the studio with the printer and that’s final.
Good Stuff Today: So Chris has a co-worker who noticed that he was always printing stuff for me at work because our printer isn’t working. So the other day I saw this big box on the porch and asked Chris what it was and he told me Marlon had sent a printer for me. Abrand new one still in the box that he just had lying around. So it set it up today and I’m super grateful and happy about that.
Shitty Stuff Today: My iPad, which I use when I’m in the studio, got stuck in boot up mode. I have no idea why so I’m currently trying to restore it. It’s like it got jealous of the printer or something. Seriously can’t we have nice things in the same room?
We left home to go to this breakfast event and when we got there at 8:30 (started at 7) all the food was sold out. We ended up eating elsewhere and going home and I’m bummed because I didn’t get to show off my baseball cap. Anyway here’s my face.
People proffering this argument are either gullible, not paying attention, have no understanding of how racism works in Hollywood, or all three.
Hollywood knows that Black movies and shows make money (I’m focusing on Blackness because it’s what I know and antiblackness exists in all communities). Straight Out of Compton made money, Selma made money, 12 Years a Slave made money, Tyler Perry’s movies make money (much to my chagrin), and those are just some recent ones. There is a history of Black cinema and films that made money. Empire, Scandal, How to Get Away With Murder are led by Black women and Empire has a predominately Black cast, and they’re wildly popular shows.
Black people and other PoC have money and we have and will continue to spend it in theaters to see films that feature us. HOLLYWOOD IS WELL AWARE OF THIS. Stop believing and proliferating their tired excuses and lies.
The issue is that Hollywood only cares about a specific type of money: white money.
I know it’s like, stupidly sappy and romantic in a sickening way, but sometimes the sound of my husband gently snoring next to me sounds like the sweetest sound in the world to me.
I don’t know why I keep trying to convince myself I can drink coffee.
It just seems as though my body has become more and more sensitive to caffeine over the years. Right now I feel a combination of sick to my stomach and wanting to throw up.
Then again I had coffee recently that didn’t make me sick (just a little queasy). But really, even queasy isn’t something I should put myself through.
I can’t accept never drinking coffee though. I don’t have it often dammit. And I love it!!! This is upsetting. In more ways than one.
Haircare brand SheaMoisture, founded in 1991 in Harlem by Liberian refugees, released an ad on Tuesday. The ad depicts the ways in which women of color are often neglected by the beauty industry. “Break the walls of the beauty industry” is the message to black women everywhere.
When the minimum wage in Haiti was raised to 61 cents an hour, Hillary Clinton’s State Department intervened on behalf of American garment manufacturers and had it cut in half again, to 31 cents.
Hillary Clinton is a war criminal and has no regard for human rights.
Yet I’m supposed to believe she’s better than Trump lmao
wow……..
Please do not trust her.
Haitians really believe that the Clintons did so much for Haiti, and it’s frustrating bc they’ve hurt Haiti more than they’ve helped Haiti
No it’s not that. It’s that we’re in a recession and the government’s solution is to tax the middle class out of it while creating no opportunities for citizens to create wealth.
It’s this new 7% tax on online purchases. They haven’t said how they plan to implement it, what they plan to tax, they’re saying it’s an effort to protect local retailers yet it will affect MY business negatively and I don’t see them creating a single incentive for small scale businesses and manufacturers in Trinidad. Nothing to help CREATE wealth. But jam the effing middle class in order to tax us out of a recession!!!
This is typical throughout Latin America and the entire Caribbean.
It was no wonder that both my sister and myself chose white men as our first husbands. It had been drilled into our psyches subliminally and not so subliminally from the time we were children.
I have long said that in order for any comedy to truly succeed as a story, there has to be meat beneath the jokes. There has to be that moment when it is not funny any more.
After Frida Kahlo died in 1954, her husband Diego Rivera shut her belongings in a bathroom at their Mexico City home, the Blue House – then demanded it be locked until 15 years after his death. It was not opened until 2004.
Well whatever weird-ass bug took hold of me last night seems to have loosened its grip on me today. I slept until about 11:30 this morning and now I feel pretty normal. Not quite 100% but enough to go out and have a few beers later on. What the hell is up with my body though?
tumblr has a sad-boner for the burning of the library of alexandria
which was not actually one burning but several
and while the Library of Alexandria was an immense historical and national treasure, a lot of ppl tend to forget about the other book and library burnings that occurred in antiquity
Places like the library of Nalanda, in India, which contained an elaborate classification system to hold what was then seen as the largest collection of Buddhist literature
and the House of Wisdom in Baghdad, which contained Greek and Arabic works on mathematics and astronomy to zoology and cartography
and more recently, the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft (no, that does not mean sexual witchcraft) which was burned by the Nazis b/c the majority of tomes dealt with same sex relationships and gay rights and acceptance.
and omg, this makes me so mad. The Libraries of Fisheries and Oceans in Canada has all its collection thrown away in an attempt to save taxpayer money and on the hope that all of its material was digitized. Only 5 to 6% was.
and the Saeh library in Lebanon, which was burnt b/c of terrorism.
Book burnings are happening right now, y’all.
Not to mention how the Spanish systematically destroyed the entire literary output of whole societies in Mesoamerica, to the point where we only have a handful of their codices today
We should talk, too, about the heroism of those trying to save books from violence, not least because the deliberate destruction of cultural artifacts is evidence of genocide. A few libraries not mentioned above:
The National Library of Bosnia, located in Sarajevo, which was destroyed in August of 1992 by Serb forces. It was targeted with incendiary shells, and over a million books testifying to Bosnia’s multicultural history were lost in the resulting fire. Aida Buturović, a young librarian, was killed by sniper fire while trying to carry books from the burning building. The Oriental Institute, housing the majority of Sarajevo’s Islamic manuscripts, was destroyed that May, but it wasn’t the first library burnt in Sarajevo: during World War II, the Nazis decimated the collection of La Benevolencija, one of the oldest Jewish organizations in the city.
The Ahmed Baba Institute in Timbuktu, which was burned in January 2013 by Tuareg rebel forces fleeing the city, who had been using the library as a barracks. The fire destroyed 4,000 manuscripts – but Abdel Kader Haïdara, a librarian, saved 400,000 more from libraries all over the city by smuggling them out in the preceding months. He had help, and the ‘book rustlers’ of Mali – who risked their lives to do it – saved 800 years of West African history.
And let us not forget Alia Muhammad Baker, the head librarian of Al Basrah Central Library, who risked her life to save the books when no one else in the Iraqi government gave a damn. By the time the invading US and UK forces had blown the building, she and her book-smuggling-food-service-cadre had taken almost ¾ of the books over the seven foot perimeter fence and into a nearby restaurant. Except, of course, for the books about Saddam Hussein. Those, they left.
today my anthro professor said something kindof really beautiful:
“you all have a little bit of ‘I want to save the world’ in you, that’s why you’re here, in college. I want you to know that it’s okay if you only save one person, and it’s okay if that person is you”
I feel like a few people I know could stand to read this.
The craft of Dongyang wood carving is a traditional Chinese art form that dates as far back as the Tang Dynasty (700 AD). It involves carving incredibly intricate relief sculptures into everyday objects, such as tables, chairs, bed frames, stools, and and cabinets.
I think I kept poor Chris up half the night with my tossing and turning. I also had a fever so it was broiling under the covers.
I’m figure I probably have one of those mosquito borne viruses… I have all the symptoms… Fever, joint pain, headache. I don’t feel so terrible this morning though. The headache is there but the fever’s gone.
So it looks like I’m gonna be bed bound and resting today. I guess it could be worse.
Someone contacted me to use some jewellery for a photoshoot for promotional purposes, which of course is good for me. But she wants to use them on Saturday. And I am of course low in stock since I just did UpMarket on wednesday so I have barely anything to give her. And I just feel kid of pissed off because if it’s for my benefit I feel a little more notice would have been helpful so I could get some pieces together.
If I offered you $4 to come to my house and make me dinner and wash my dishes afterwards, would you do it? Probably not. But that’s what a minimum wage worker at McDonald’s can do in a half hour.
What about $8 to come over and play with my kid and teach her to read and change her if she needs it and do all other assorted activities for an hour? Again, probably not. But that’s what a day care worker might do in an hour.
If I paid you $4, would you come over and make my bed and vaccume my room and do some of my laundry and clean my bathroom and pick up trash and dust? Probably not but that’s what a hotel maid might do in half an hour.
When you break it down into smaller increments it’s obvious that people need to be paid more, that the minium wage is pathetic.
Someone messaged me today and gave me the dimensions of the index finger and then asked me what size their ring finger would be based on that.
I tried to be as helpful as I could but I was left wondering if people think I’m some sort of ring wizard. I don’t have the capacity to determine the size of one finger based on the other. That’s just… not… possible.
Here’s my professional advice: Go to a jewelry store. Go in the afternoon when your finger will be at it’s largest size. Get sized. It takes five minutes and it’s free.
I never understood the response to Kurt Cobain’s death. I was a fan of Nirvana like everyone else, Nevermind came out when I was still in high school. But he was still just a musician to me. I have never understood why he was, and continues to be so idolised.
If you’re pro-life except in cases of rape or medical issues then you’re not pro-life. If you are genuinely pro-life then you are against termination, period. There has to be another term for that stance.
I read the comments on someone’s post yesterday and I felt like I’d been slapped in the face. They were out of concern for the poster. I’d have shut down and stopped posting about the issue though. It was harsh.
I think now that replies/comments are back I feel a little shy sometimes reading them. As if I’m intruding. I’ll get over that.
I saw a post about how we impose gender on children and I really think it’s true. I’m grateful that my parents were cool about letting me be a tomboyish little kid who didn’t like dresses. I always felt more like a “person” than a “girl”. In fact I was the mechanical/fix it/built it person at home. My brother can barely hang a picture. But then he’s gay so maybe something got mixed up in there.
15. your least appealing feature?
My quick temper 18. your worst fear?
Being abandoned 26. what is your favorite expletive (swear word)?
Fuck 29. what was the last lie you told? Telling someone I was fine
Fun History Fact: The overwhelming majority of cowboys in the U.S. were Indigenous, Black, and/or Mexican persons. The omnipresent white cowboy is a Hollywood studio concoction meant to uphold the mythology of white masculinity.
Thank you.
I will always re-blog this
I think it was high school when i overheard some white girl put on her best semi-disgusted and confused voice and go “why do so many Mexicans dress up like cowboys?” and I had to be the person to tell her.
Why do you think the whites say buckero? Cause they couldn’t say vaquero.
6. favorite ramen flavor?
The blue one. I forget what it is. Beef?
8. would you rather be buried or cremated?
I think I like the idea of cremation mainly because it doesn’t leave much behind. I don’t really feel like I want to leave any headstone or grave. I like the idea of disappearing.
10. one animal you do not like
I’m terrified that one day all the octopuses will rise up out of the sea and take over. They’re too damn smart and who the hell can fight against eight legs?
1. what color are your sheets? 2. least favorite vegetable? 3. shrek one or shrek two? 4. favorite underwear brand? 5. slushy vs. smoothie? 6. favorite ramen flavor? 7. do you sleep with the door open or closed? 8. would you rather be buried or cremated? 9. mustard vs. ketchup? 10. one animal you do not like? 11. your favorite country? 12. one limb you could live without? 13. what you want your headstone to say? 14. bees vs. spiders? 15. your least appealing feature? 16. favorite type of cheese? 17. do you like the smell of wet dog? 18. your worst fear? 19. one thing you’d never want your parents to know? 20. flip flops vs. trainers? 21. broccoli vs cauliflower? 22. unlucky number? 23. favorite finger? 24. a job you’d never want? 25. favorite type of dog? 26. what is your favorite expletive (swear word)? 27. favorite age you’ve been so far? 28. where is your nearest 7-11? 29. what was the last lie you told? 30. what’s one thing that will always cheer you up?
When I am trying to communicate how I feel about something, I have to talk around it endlessly in order for me to articulate what I mean. My thoughts are never clear enough when it comes to emotional things for me to say in a concise manner how I feel. And I am generally good at expressing myself and communicating, but with feelings I have such a hard time with it.
Why is that? Is it a mental block? A specific way of thinking? Why can I never express myself clearly when it comes to my feelings?
“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” — Maya Angelou (born April 4, 1928)
The findings from a 15-year, longitudinal study of more than 300 women in France, suggest that breasts would gain more tone, and would support themselves, if no bra was used. Why? Bras appear to limit the growth of supporting breast tissues, leaving the breast to wither and degrade more quickly. In fact, women who stopped wearing bras experienced a 7mm lift in their nippleseach year that they did not wear a bra, and bra-less women developed firmer breasts, and stretch marks faded. And, in direct opposition to the myth that the bra eases back pain for women with larger breasts, not wearing a bra actually eased the pain, while wearing a bra did not.
LEAVE IT TO THE FRENCH!
WAT
My whole worldview just shattered.
i knew this since i was like 8 the only reason why i wear bras is because cold nippies are awkward when youre in school
Pretty much. I just use a sports bra for the sake of nipple coverage, and a ‘regular’ bra i I need to for a formal dress or something.
Get you some titties with a D cup or bigger.
Remove your bra.
Now go jump up and down for a while, walk up and down some stairs, etc. If you aren’t DEAD by the time you’re done, THEN you can tell me not to wear a bra. Otherwise, kiss my glittery ass, cuz Imma strap my tits in.
reblogging for ^that comment. I’d fucking LOVE to go bra-less, but that shit hurts my 38Ds.
Yyyyyyyeah. I’m an H cup. That shit’s not going to fly. Also, HOW MUCH SHIT would large breasted [esp. fat] women get for not wearing a bra? Not that I’m saying that’s why we should wear them, but fuck. We get hassled enough as it is.
330 whole women in France? Totally a study that we should apply to all women in all societies! I’d love to know the range of bra sizes they studied.
OH. AND. From the article itself: “While his initial results “validated the hypothesis that the bra is a false ‘need’,” he says that women who have been wearing bras for a long time would not gain any benefit from stopping now.”
Somebody want to explain then how tribal woman have elongated breasts? I call bullshit
Artist Satoshi Tomizu creates small glass spheres that appear to be miniature solar systems or galaxies, in which planets made of opal are circling into spirals of colored glass and gold flakes.
Each piece includes a small glass loop allowing them to be transformed into a beautiful pendant.
In most of Latin America, when you go to any kind of market, the manner of doing business is bargaining. So much so that if you attempt to pay the first price they offer, they will refuse it. Bargaining is insisted upon for a proper transaction.
When I as younger I was an ace at it. It was like a sport to me and I really enjoyed it. I still do it on occasion but it’s not a cultural norm here. I’ve become somewhat rusty.
But today I was feeling somewhat frustrated and wanted to move some pieces and started making deals with my customers. If you buy these two together I’ll give them to you for this price. It worked great. I got some good sales. I need to start doing this more. Both me and the customer end up happy. And that’s what I consider a successful transaction.
I feel like every upmarket I write a post about how slow the day is going and right after I hit the post button a grappe of customers show up and buy shit. It’s like my customers only appear in the last two hours of the day. Which makes for a rather long day. But I am not going to complain about making money.
We have the boys (step kids) with us now and are watching a football match at a sports bar. The coach for our national team is seated a few feet away. I think he might think I’ve been giving him the eye. I was just trying to figure out where I knew his face from and now every time I look up I’m catching his glance and it’s getting a little awkward.
Oh wait no I’m an asshole he’s looking at the tv screen above my head.
So today has officially been the most abysmal upmarket ever in terms of sales. And it’s not just my experience. God things better pick up for next month’s Mother’s Day sale.
In better news, I met a local jeweler today whose work I really admire and we got a chance to talk shop for a bit. She was very cool, and meeting her was a bright spot in this otherwise disappointing day.
So today has officially been the most abysmal upmarket ever in terms of sales. And it’s not just my experience. God things better pick up for next month’s Mother’s Day sale.
In better news, I met a local jeweler today whose work I really admire and we got a chance to talk shop for a bit. She was very cool, and meeting her was a bright spot in this otherwise disappointing day.
I think I just got tired of making pretty stuff. I’m just a little bored of my own jewellery. That’s why I’m always making new stuff. But I’ve been wanting to make stamped necklaces for a while but haven’t had the funds. Now I do but I’m not interested in stamping “dream” and “inspire” on them (although it’s good business to offer those too *steups*). I just want out of the safe, pretty box. At least for a minute. I’ll get bored with that too though.
So the kind of necklaces I’m thinking of making are more like these, bar necklaces cause they’re bigger and cooler (but I’m totally open to making charms like the ones I showed y’all earlier, I was just testing out my stamping skills so I was’t gonna use my expensive material for that). Sooooooo, lemme know what kind of phrases/words y’all would like to see. I’m gonna make some test pieces on Monday. Also gold or sliver?
soulsistrin 