spin cycle

In the past two weeeks, two acquaintances of mine who are my age have become grandmothers. I’m happy for them of course but like, is that where we are? It could happen to us. Chris’s oldest is about to turn 21.

I remember my father telling me on my 21st birthday that the way you feel inside doesn’t change. You’re always the same person you were when you were young. I totally didn’t believe him then because I couldn’t see any relation to the person I knew he’d been in his youth. But he was right. I may be older, more responsible and have more life experience, but I identify deeply with the Natasha of my teens and twenties. I still feel very younthful.

It’s a sort of curse, that you try to explain to your kids that you get it, you know what they’re going through. That they didn’t invent sex, or sneaking out of the house, or flimsy transparent excuses to cover up their bullshit. That you see right through them because you were there not long ago. And they scoff. Impossible. You could never understand.

Until they reach that age themselves. And find themselves telling their own kids the exact same things and receiving the exact same reactions. Then they know. And by then it’s too late. And the cycle continues.